Showing off

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Position versus performance

A Priest dies and is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who you are, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not.

The guy replies: I am an Autorikshaw Driver from Mumbai!!!

God consults his ledger… smiles and says: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

'Just a minute' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove, people PRAYED'

It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts....

Humour 1

Smile Please:

Student : Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?

Teacher : ofcourse not.

Student  : I didn’t do my homework.